i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
