Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
