Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
