There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
