those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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