How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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