Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
