i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
