I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Someone shattered a urinal.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
