I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
