remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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