Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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