Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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