How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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