I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
