Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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