My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
