i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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