I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
