Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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