Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
