Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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