So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
