it glows. i had to have it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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