if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize