i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
