It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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