Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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