Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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