Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
