Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
