i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i've created a new STD.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Randomize
