It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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