I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
