Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just high enough for therapy.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
