onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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