My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dignity is for republicans.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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