dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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