New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
