yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
