Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
