Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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