I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
