Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
