Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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