Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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