My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
