Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
