Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
