I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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