i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
