Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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