i need an iv and a liver transplant
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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