Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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