There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
