okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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