then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I love you. Go after that dick
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
