She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
