Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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