she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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