I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
