They should really pass out barf bags in church
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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